Embracing Togetherness: A Family’s Journey in Keeping Siblings Together in Adoption
Kathleen and Nick wanted to grow their family, and during the pandemic, they began exploring adoption. Through an online search, they found us and began gathering more information. They started the process with us, completed adoption training and a home study, and were ready to be matched with a child from foster care.
“We were impressed by CHSVA’s professionalism and compassion and put our trust in CHSVA that they would make a match that would be in the best interest of the child and would use our strengths.”
When our social worker inquired whether Kathleen and Nick would accept more than one child to keep a sibling group together, they decided they could do it. Then the call came, and not one but three kids—two boys and one girl, aged 10, four, and one—needed a home: all siblings.
Kathleen, Nick, and the kids have thrived with much support from us and their extended family.
“The opportunity for the kids to stay together was so important, and we are so blessed to be able to give them the love and stability they deserve.”
Through connections we helped facilitate, they also enlisted the help of a social worker who specializes in assisting families in maintaining connections with the children’s biological family, ensuring those relationships continue in a healthy manner for everyone.
“We couldn’t have done this without the support of CHSVA, and we are so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of our children’s lives.”
For over 125 years, the Children’s Home Society of Virginia has served families like Kathleen and Nick. We have placed more than 17,000 children into permanent, loving homes. CHSVA wants to find the right family to meet each child’s needs. Being part of a loving family is important to all of us—especially to a child in the child welfare system.
Adoption in Virginia: Progress, Challenges, and the Ongoing Need for Families
Adoption statistics in Virginia reveal both the progress and challenges within the state’s child welfare system. In recent years, Virginia has seen a steady number of adoptions, with approximately 1,400 to 1,500 children finding permanent homes each year. As of April 2024, there are around 5,000 children in foster care in Virginia, and more than 1,600 of these children are currently waiting for adoption. While the state has made significant strides in placing children with families, the numbers also highlight a persistent need for more adoptive parents, especially for older children, siblings who need to stay together, and children with special needs.
Despite efforts to improve the adoption process, Virginia faces unique challenges. The average age of a child waiting to be adopted in the state is around eight years old, and children aged nine and older are less likely to be adopted, often remaining in foster care until they age out. Additionally, the state has been working to address racial disparities, as African American children are overrepresented in the foster care system. To address these challenges, Virginia has launched several initiatives, including increasing support for foster and adoptive families, promoting kinship care, and providing targeted recruitment for prospective adoptive parents who are open to adopting older children or sibling groups. These efforts aim to ensure that every child in Virginia has the opportunity to grow up in a safe, stable, and loving home.
Why Keeping Siblings Together in Adoption Matters for Their Well-Being
Keeping siblings together in adoption is important for their emotional and psychological well-being. For many children in the foster care system, siblings are often the only consistent source of support and familiarity they have amid the upheaval of being separated from their birth parents. Growing up in the same home allows siblings to maintain these vital connections, providing them with a sense of security, continuity, and identity in an otherwise uncertain situation. When siblings are placed together, they can help each other cope with trauma, navigate the complexities of a new environment, and build resilience in the face of change.
Research shows that siblings placed together in foster or adoptive homes tend to experience better long-term outcomes compared to those who are separated. These children often exhibit fewer behavioral issues, better academic performance, and stronger social skills. Additionally, maintaining sibling bonds helps preserve a child’s sense of family and cultural identity, which is especially important in transracial or cross-cultural adoptions. Separating siblings can lead to feelings of grief, loss, and isolation, which can be detrimental to their development and emotional health. Keeping siblings together in adoption supports their healing and adjustment, promoting a more stable and loving environment where they can thrive and grow together.
“Youth in foster care experience the loss of most people and things that are familiar to them. We hope that, whenever possible, youth can remain with their siblings and be placed and adopted together in the same safe, loving home.” —Emily, CHSVA Foster Care & Adoption Senior Social Worker
Understanding the Hidden Traumas Faced by Adopted Children
Adopted children may face a range of traumas that significantly impact their emotional, psychological, and social development. Many of these children have experienced early-life adversities, such as neglect, abuse, or exposure to domestic violence, which can leave deep emotional scars. Even in cases where there is no explicit maltreatment, the experience of separation from birth parents is itself a form of trauma, often leading to feelings of abandonment, loss, and insecurity.
Some children may have been moved multiple times within the foster care system, compounding their sense of instability and eroding their ability to form trusting relationships. Additionally, children adopted from international settings might encounter additional layers of trauma related to cultural displacement, language barriers, and the loss of familiar surroundings. These experiences can manifest in a variety of ways, including attachment disorders, anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues, all of which require compassionate understanding and targeted therapeutic support from their adoptive families and communities.
Trauma-Informed Training: How We Prepare Adoptive Parents
The Children’s Home Society of Virginia recognizes that adoption is a lifelong journey, and we are dedicated to offering personalized, high-quality support services for children and families from the moment of placement through finalization and well into the future. We understand that, throughout their lives, adopted children and their families may experience challenges related to loss, grief, identity, attachment, and trauma. Our comprehensive program is designed to address the unique needs of each child and family, providing a range of services from advocacy to respite care, all with the goal of building strong and lasting families.
We provide comprehensive training for adoptive parents, with a strong emphasis on trauma-informed care. Our training program is designed to prepare parents for the unique challenges and needs of adopted children, particularly those who have experienced trauma, such as neglect, abuse, or the loss of their birth family. We understand that trauma can have a profound impact on a child’s development and behavior, so our training focuses on equipping parents with the skills and knowledge to support their child’s healing and growth.
Our trauma training includes understanding the effects of trauma on a child’s brain development and attachment, recognizing trauma-related behaviors, and learning strategies for building trust and promoting emotional regulation. It also covers therapeutic parenting techniques, such as creating a safe environment, setting appropriate boundaries, and responding to challenging behaviors with empathy and patience. We emphasize the importance of self-care for adoptive parents, recognizing that caring for a child who has experienced trauma can be demanding. By focusing on trauma-informed practices, the training aims to help adoptive parents create a stable and nurturing home environment that supports the child’s recovery and fosters a sense of safety and security.
Why Keeping Siblings Together in Adoption Makes a Lasting Difference
Around 23% of children in foster care are part of sibling groups. The likelihood of sibling groups being adopted together is lower compared to individual children, with many sibling groups facing significant challenges in finding adoptive families.
As you consider adoption, we encourage you to think about adopting more than one child or keeping sibling groups together. Many children, especially siblings, are waiting for a loving home after facing significant upheaval. By adopting siblings, you offer them the priceless gift of staying together, preserving their family bonds, and fostering a sense of continuity and security that strengthens their emotional resilience. This shared connection not only eases their transition but also helps reduce feelings of abandonment. By keeping siblings together in adoption, you provide a loving, stable environment where they can thrive, addressing a critical need in the adoption community.
Essential Tips for Successfully Managing the Adoption of Multiple Children
Adopting multiple children and keeping siblings together in adoption can be an enriching experience but also presents unique challenges. Here are some tips for managing these challenges effectively:
- Prepare for the Transition:
- Educate Yourself: Learn about the potential emotional and behavioral challenges adopted children, particularly siblings, might face. Understanding their backgrounds and needs can help you prepare for the transition.
- Create a Plan: Develop a detailed plan for the initial transition period, including routines, house rules, and ways to introduce each child to their new environment.
- Foster Strong Sibling Bonds:
- Encourage Teamwork: Encourage cooperative activities and shared responsibilities to help siblings support each other. This can strengthen their bond and ease their adjustment to the new family dynamic.
- Respect Their Relationships: Allow siblings to maintain relationships and offer them opportunities to share their experiences and memories. Recognizing their unique connection can provide comfort and stability.
- Establish Routines and Structure:
- Consistency is Key: Implement consistent daily routines for stability and predictability. This helps children feel secure and understand what to expect in their new home.
- Manage Expectations: Be realistic about how long it will take for everyone to adjust. Allow time for the family to settle into new routines and be patient with the process.
- Address Individual Needs:
- Personal Attention: Make time to connect with each child individually. Recognize their unique needs, preferences, and challenges to provide personalized support.
- Seek Professional Help: If needed, engage with therapists or counselors who specialize in adoption and trauma to support the emotional well-being of all children.
- Promote Open Communication:
- Encourage Expression: Create an environment where children feel comfortable expressing their feelings and concerns. Open communication helps address issues early and fosters trust.
- Family Meetings: Hold regular family meetings to discuss any concerns, celebrate achievements, and reinforce family goals. This can help build a strong sense of unity and shared purpose.
- Provide Support and Resources:
- Access Resources: Utilize support groups, parenting classes, and community resources to gain insights and advice from others who have adopted multiple children.
- Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being to maintain the strength and patience needed to support your growing family. Prioritize self-care and seek support when needed.
- Celebrate Successes and Milestones:
- Acknowledge Achievements: Recognize and celebrate the small victories and milestones in your children’s adjustment process. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and reinforces family bonds.
By implementing these strategies, you can navigate the complexities of adopting multiple children with greater ease, ensuring a smoother transition and a nurturing environment for your new family.
Support Virginia Adoption
The Children’s Home Society of Virginia is a beacon of hope and support for children and families in need. With a deep commitment to transforming lives, we dedicate ourselves to providing exceptional care, guidance, and advocacy throughout the adoption process and beyond. Our mission is to ensure that every child finds a loving, stable, and permanent home, and we work tirelessly to support families in their journey to create these nurturing environments.
We would be honored to help you on your adoption journey. If you are interested in adopting a child, please don’t hesitate to contact us. For more information about our adoption process, timeline, fees, or training, please call 804-353-0191. Together, we can build strong, resilient families and foster brighter futures for at-risk children.